I sit here typing amidst strewn out papers, random highlighters, and models of teeth and all I can think about is "what tests I have coming up?", "what's the best way to study for this?", and "oh I've got to practice that". My brain hurts and I'm questioning why on earth I wanted to do this?
I'm the type of person who needs balance. Balance in my home, balance with my hobbies, balance with my hubby, and most importantly right now balance with my baby. For the past month I have had to have tunnel vision on DH (Dental Hygiene) and only DH. The house is not clean (my kind of clean), I have the worst creative itch going on and I can't do anything about it, and Deak is growing up without me. Yesterday while I was allowing myself a ten minute coma between studying I woke up to Deak up on side of the couch tugging on my sweatshirt string. I was shocked, he pulled himself up! Preston was sitting there and I looked at him like "look at our baby!" he did the same, but only to spare my feelings. I could tell this wasn't Deaks first time doing it and Preston didn't have the heart to tell me that. My heart sank in my chest and immediately I blamed school. I know I brought this on myself and I know that it will payoff in the end. I'll have even more time to spend at home with my babies later. Blah blah blah. Right now the bigger picture is so far away...So yesterday amidst me throwing myself a pity party I received a few tender mercies from the Lord. I'm so thankful for the people in my life that are huge examples to me, who listen to the spirit and are willing to pause their busy life to help a girl like me. My Heavenly Father loves me, I know he does. I have a loving husband who I wouldn't survive without, and amazing family and friends. I promise not to blog about dental hygiene all the time (seriously...boring). I'll be surprised if I have time to blog much at all. Heck I'm surprised I've taken ten minutes to jot this down. I'm slowly realizing that I'm not going to be able to cuddle with Preston every night while watching a good show, or I'm not going to be able to craft and be creative very often. My house won't be neat and tidy exactly how I like it, and I'm not going to be able to go the extra mile for the special things happening in Deaks life right now (which is killing me). I'm being forced to simplify. Simplify and find joy in the journey. Somehow.